Celibacy is the act of abstaining from sexual relations. Some choose to abstain until they are in a committed relationship while others abstain until marriage for religious reasons or otherwise. I fell into celibacy while in between relationships. It was hard at first because I am a woman who enjoys sex, but shortly after I began to see positive effects, and I wanted to make a commitment to myself to not have sex until I genuinely get to know someone and I am in a committed, monogamous relationship. Here are three ways celibacy has helped me to level up:
1. Celibacy has sharpened my focus.
I’ve had trouble streamlining my focus since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve always had many interests and wanted to do many different things but never could focus on one thing and become better at it. I’d throw myself wholeheartedly in one direction and give up shortly after realizing it wasn’t as easy as I thought it was. I knew a whole lot about nothing but never chose one particular interest to excel at. Since becoming celibate last year, I’ve been able to focus on things that will make me a better person. For instance, instead of talking to a guy on the phone until midnight, I now read books about spirituality or self-help before bed. Not focusing on unhealthy, unfruitful relationships has also given me time to think about what I want to accomplish in the future. I’ve started this blog, and I’m planning to begin the process of finishing my English degree in the summer.
2. Celibacy has given me peace of mind.
Since becoming celibate, I’ve also acquired peace of mind like never before. My confidence has sky-rocketed by merely knowing that I’m not wasting my energy hooking up or investing time into a situation that is not going anywhere. Because I am learning about myself, what I will and will not accept, and setting healthy boundaries in all areas of my life, I feel assured that when the right man for me does come along, I’ll be equipped and open to giving myself to him completely. Celibacy is an excellent avenue of getting to know someone honestly without sex clouding my judgment. I also have the assurance of no pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease risks because I am choosing this path at this time. Doctors appointments are much less stressful than before.
3. Celibacy has offered me a higher level of self-care.
Celibacy has allowed me to care for myself more effectively than before. I protect my energy differently than before by not entertaining relationships that don’t have a future. If a man is not willing to get to know me before sex, I don’t waste time trying to convince him. I also experience less anxiety because I’m not worried about if someone is worthy of me and the other particulars of hookup culture. Going without sex may seem like an act of deprivation, but for me, it’s about becoming a better woman. By not rushing into the physical aspect of a relationship, I get to see the men I date for who they truly are, which in turn allows me to know if I’m truly compatible with them versus dating them for their sexual benefits.